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July 27, 2009

Birth Order

We had dinner this weekend with our neighbors. Alright, well not much dinner, more like cocktails but who's counting.

We hit the neighbor jackpot 5 years ago when we moved in (new parents, pay attention.....)

Our wonder neighbors have 3 kids, just like we do. But (and this is critical) their oldest child is two years older than our oldest. And, our 2 younger kids are the same age as theirs.

While we've ridden the teenage roller coaster together for the past few years (me doing most of the watching as they raise the perfect girl next door teen two years ahead of us, they doing more intervening and less watching, when my kids pull stupid stunts like throwing 50 rolls of toilet paper all the way over their two story house and into their 50 foot tall trees like they used rocket launchers and then being unsure as to how to get it all down the next day...they are, I am sure, keeping their kids stupid stunts hidden from us.)

We all agreed the easy part is over.

Both of our families, it seems, lucked out with great first born children.

My oldest had a slight meltdown in 7th grade...you know, the whole 'I-hate-you-get-out-of-my-life' spell that lasted about a week. I didn't realize at the time how lucky I was that it was such a short spell.

Their oldest has I am sure had some meltdowns...they don't tell me about them...but I know they are happening over there, I am sure of it. They're sneaky like that.

Our oldest kids, with all their faults and issues, the S talk, driving lessons, you name it, have been relatively easy. Other than the time that I was supposed to keep help out and keep an eye on their house when the neighbors went out of town, and I did my last check at 8 pm and went to bed and the whole high school baseball team showed up a little later, they've been model kids. (Sorry about that one guys, I swear there were only 2 cars there when I went to bed.)

I think first borns, with all of the worries they cause parents, end up being the easier kids to raise. I guess it's because when kid #2 and #3 show up, #1 ends up being more independent.

Somewhere among the 'don't hit your brother' and 'watch your sister while I take a 3 hour much needed bubble bath and drink some mommy grape juice' you usually up with kids that are more independent. I cannot explain it. There are PhDs with dissertations on it. It's a scientific fact.

The problem is, you can only have one first born kid unfortunately and we each now have two other children remaining that we realized are going to require the A-Team and the National Guard to control.

For each of us, these remaining children are way too creative, risky, smart, cute, brave, and dumb for their own good and our own sanity. Combined, the four of them are downright scary.

These second and third children seem to have no fear? And their sense of risk is non-existent?

I realize now that birth order is a big deal. Can't every child be a first born?

We are considering motion detectors, private security, guard dogs (not rat terriers), and razor wire.

What is it about the middle and youngest children that make them the risk takers, the ones who walk right up to the line and stick their toe over to see if you are looking?

For every scary moment I've gone through with #1, at some point later, it's occurred to me we have two more scary moments to go.

I'm not sure who we should alert first about this foursome, two of whom are, and this thought alone should send me to church every Sunday without question, a year away from their own driving lessons. The thought of that makes me shudder.

I suppose we'll start with the Home Owners Association. If the community pool turns up bright pink or full of soap suds one morning, we didn't do it.

The other neighbors might need to be bribed. If you see anyone going in or out of a window, please know that's not normal, all of our doors work fine, please let us know.

Now that I'm thinking about it, it might be easier to just for us all to move out, let them take over for a few years, and ask them to notify us when they are grown and are not incarcerated.

It's either that, or we need Mr. T's contact info, and the name of the security system they use at Fort Knox. Stat.

Hold the presses...I just thought of the perfect solution!

Let's send them all to live with the Octomom!

Add 14 other kids younger than you and poof! We suddenly would have 4 oldest children!

This is better than summer camp! Why didn't I think of this sooner!

And I bet she won't put cat food in their Cocoa Puffs and she wouldn't notice if they had a Rat Terrier!

(QOTB: How has birth order affected your kids, if at all?)

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Donna White said...

I loved it Shannon. You are right about thinking about me with this one. but......... never would I drive on a mountain, think about wearing a bikini, drive in the dark,and if a bee got close enough to me while flapping my arms around and running to sting me I would NOT have maintained my composer even if Barbara and Brad were next to me!!!! I would have started screaming, crying and would have been taken away in a straight jacket. No I am not allergic.You are so much fun. I can see you doing all those things and I am LMAO. I wish I could be with you.
Love and miss you always,
I tried to post this on your Web sight but Shannon ..... I dont know how. It says I have illegal characters in my URL. Such high tech. HELP!!!!

AnnaBeth DeShurley on August 07, 2009 said...

Hahah woooow!! I am flattered to hear the "perfect girl next door" comment- so not true!
And it wasn't the entirrrre baseball team..just a handfull of them..haha :)
Don't worry, the other four will turn out fine..they are just a little more hard-headed than both us number 1's!

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