Ten Reasons to Love Teenagers

10.) They're potty trained. Well, kind of. With three boys, sometimes I wonder if they've really mastered this skill yet because sometimes there is more pee on the toilet seat than in the toilet. Nevertheless, no diapers to change. Big plus.

9.) They're fashion gurus. I expect a call any day now from Tommy Hilfiger or an Abercrombie buyer asking for their advice, they are such experts. They can wear clothes that would make my grandfather's hair stand on end yet somehow are 'in style' (i.e. Tyler has a shirt with a Dachshund on it that says 'Have you seen my wiener?' which I refuse to let him wear out of the house.) But if mom or dad are foolish enough to wear anything slightly out of style, they will instantly let you know your fashion short comings and tell you how to fix it.

8.) You can take them to a public restaurant and not worry about being embarrassed about the mess at the table or noise they used to make when they were toddlers. Of course, the tab for dinner will be as big as your mortgage because now they eat much more, and undoubtedly they will have asked to bring a friend along who will be just as quiet and will order the Filet Mignon. But at least when you leave, the table is clean and no one will stare at you while you eat.

7.) They will ensure that your house structure is very sound. Around the time your first child turns 13, you will quickly learn what doors need new hinges and how sturdy your house foundation is. Door slamming-the timing, the loudness, it's all an art that they somehow master with little training, instantly. It's like they wake up one day and are the Zen Masters of Door Slamming. (For the record, this is a pet peeve of mine. Art or not, it doesn't happen here often because the results are usually not pretty!)

6.) They will teach you all kinds of facial expressions that you've never seen before (or have forgotten about.) The classic, of course, is eye rolling. Just like door slamming, they seem to wake up out of nowhere one day and can suddenly roll their eyes with such skill that you wonder if they've been going to eye rolling night school when you weren't looking. I always wonder, 'hmmmm, I wonder if I could try that on my boss and what the effect would be?' So far, I've not been brave enough.

5.) They will help teach you the value of money. Actually, what they really help teach you is how to watch your hard earned (valued) money fly right out the window on things like cell phone bills that are larger than my car payment, lost school text books (required payment in order to receive report card that I am not sure I really need,) and other miscellaneous 'lost' items such as glasses, shoes, and retainers. But they will be kind enough to still ask for a trip to the mall.


4.) You will learn all kinds of new vocabulary and changes to the English language. Best example: apparently 'sick' no longer means 'ill,' it means something good as in, 'that song is sick!' Unless of course they're trying to get out of school in which case 'I'm sick' still means 'I don't feel good?' I'm not sure. I need a teen to adult dictionary. I appreciate the vocabulary updates. But if I tell my boss that the report she showed me is 'sick,' I might be feeling sick standing in the unemployment line.

3.) You are able to leave them alone at home, unsupervised, and run errands that you could never do when you had small children. You've waited years for this moment. No baby sitter. All the emergency numbers posted. Only no one told you the errands you get to run are to go replace their lost eye glasses, go to T-Mobile and ask how to get on the long term payment plan for the cell phone bill, and stop at Home Depot to by new door hinges for that slammed one too many time door. Yep, the ability to leave them alone is a huge plus.

2.) Free labor. The best thing about this one is that it's usually accompanied by #7, #6, and #4 above. You get free labor, along with your house structure tested, you'll learn a few new facial expression and phrases all at the same time. I cannot decide if I really want them to go to college, I'm still on the fence about that one. That would mean we'd be required to go back to our pre-child days of taking out the trash and feeding the dogs on our own. Oh well, I watched enough Cosby show episodes to know that none of them will stay gone for long.

1.) You will come to appreciate your parents and what they went through every day when you were a teenager. Call your parents and tell them thanks. Better yet, call your dad and tell him how much you appreciate all that he taught you. In fact, suggest (since you are now so up to date on fashion) that he gets the 'Have you seen my Wiener' t-shirt and then tell him he will look really 'sick' in it!

And then, when he starts to say things no parents should ever say to their child, just roll your eyes and tell him you've gotta go run some errands.










(Of course then they do this and everything is good. Sneaky but effective.)