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July 30, 2009

Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Texas anymore

My last night in California. Just when I am used to the time zone, time to go home. Funny how that works.

The first morning here, I woke up at 6 am and just started working since it was 8 am back home.

The second day, I made it till 6:30 and got up.

Yesterday and today I hit snooze and rolled right back over. Dang it. Now I've gotta reverse the whole process.

(Me at the Mann's Chinese Theatre with my hands in Judy Garland's handprints. I thought she was the most appropriate since I'm so far from home!)

You know you're not in Texas any more when:

1.) You show up for work in July and your co-worker is wearing a jacket because 'it's cool outside?.' I don't know who thought who was more crazy. Her because I was wearing short sleeves or me because she had on a jacket. Jacket and July are not in the same sentence in Houston normally. The only jacket we might possibly wear in July in Texas is a straight jacket when my kids finally push me over the edge.

2.) There are signs for ROCK SLIDES? About every 300 feet on the way to Malibu there are signs for rock slides? Over...and over...rock slide warning signs. Okay so back in the south, the only thing that might fly at you on the road is an empty Budweiser can. We certainly don't worry about things falling down on top of us while driving. I kinda look at that like the Captain on the plane telling us that 'there is a slight delay due to maintenance.' Really, if a rocks start to slide on to my car, to the point that I am in trouble, I really don't wanna know, it's too late! Where would I go? Over the sheer drop? Save the tax payers money and skip the warning signs! Assume if you are driving in a canyon, rocks might fall, and they don't mean pebbles!

3.) You are brave enough to walk across the street in traffic. Apparently in Los Angeles, if there is a painted cross walk on the street, you can literally just walk out-light or no light-and people stop. I mean they just stop their car and let you cross. The first time we crossed a street, I was sure we were going to get killed. If you are reading this and you are from California and come to Texas, DO NOT DO THIS, you will get run over in the blink of an eye! Over and over we just walked out and people stopped. I nearly had a heart attack every time, it's very unnatural in Houston to walk out in front of traffic, light, no light, cross walk or not. We just don't do that, in fact some people will hit the gas and try to make you road kill. I kept telling my co-worker, do not do this, ever, in Texas.

4.) You find yourself in rush hour traffic. At 11 pm. Or 11 am. Or 2 pm. Doesn't matter.Traffic again. You hear all about Los Angeles traffic. Well, the thing is, they actually are no worse drivers than Houston, if you are used to Houston or big city driving. Other than the guy who was mad at the car next to him, opened the window and threw a cup of water on his car. But in Houston that's nothing really, if someone was mad and rolled down their window at me, I would duck and call 911 and hit the gas. It's like 24/7 rush hour traffic. I keep wondering, who are all of these people and where are they going at all hours of the day? It's non stop, bumper to bumper traffic all day long.

5.) You find the calorie count of every restaurant in the back of the menu. We went to BJ's Brewery and my co-worker pointed out the calories were available to read in the menu. Now I realize why it took an act of Congress or State legislature to make this happen. I looked it over, the waitress appeared and I said, 'I'll take some Honey Mustard Dressing.' She said, 'great, with what salad?'' I said, "I don't want a salad. Everything on your menu has the calorie count of my home zip code. Just bring me a dish of the dressing and a straw or spoon and I'll be fine." I cannot imagine what this would be like back home. We all eat out way too much, that wouldn't end. In fact I have a feeling some people might just order two T-bones instead of one!

I head home tomorrow, the kids get back from camp Saturday and life will return to it's normal chaos.

In the meantime, I never saw Brad Pitt to show off my bikini.

Leave it to me though, I saw his darn ex-wife Ms. Aniston, eating at a restaurant in Beverly Hills.


That is so NOT who I was wishing for! How did that get reversed?

Wrong person! I bet she doesn't get stung by bees in Malibu either!
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