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August 4, 2009

The IST List

Jordan had his follow up visit yesterday at Texas Children's Hospital with our new favorite pediatric Rheumatologist.

The good news: He is gene-negative for the form of arthritis that we think he has, great news! And, his MRI looked very good.

The bad news: As my still-11-but-looks-14 year old son was stretched out on the way too short of an examining table, without warning, the doctor took off Jordan’s shoes to look at his feet joints. Did I say with no warning? Not smart.

This was 48 hours post camp return. We haven’t finished fumigating the house yet, I certainly haven’t made it to feet. 2898_1132532760420_1440314850_344614_3252180_n

She did a great job of not turning really green, maybe she sees lots of funky things on size 11 feet of 11 year old boys. Now that I think about it, she slightly resembled the lady next to me on the plane to California last week? Hmmm…..

I bet she made some case notes like: ‘note to self, next time, wear surgical mask before removing this child’s shoes. Better yet, get a medical student to do it.’

On top of that, I had my own IST visit today.

You can do the math.

I’ll just say it wasn’t the acupuncturist. If you’re not sure who I'm talking about, read here.

Let me just say, you know that there might be an issue with your parents having married one too many times, each, when the IST is doing your family tree and starts to turn the page sideways to write, finally flips the page over, continues on the back, and at the end says:


(As if saying: ‘WOW I’VE JUST DRAWN THE FAMILY TREE OF ALL FAMILY TREES! And you didn’t even ask about my former step-siblings! I wanted to say, ‘Hey! We’re not done, I’ve had to put up with all those various step-people over the years, some of whom I cannot remember, write down every last one of them down, I’ll skip dinner if we need to’!)

No go. The IST was done after two and half pages of circles, squares, crooked, straight, and dashed lines across two and a half pages of paper. And we didn’t even talk about my husband’s family.

Hah. Just wait. She’ll need a whole notebook.

I guess if I left anyone off, they’ll have to take the honorable mention when I start to blame family members for my insane behavior.

But now she has me worried. I just assumed everyone has family trees that require numerous pages and former step-siblings you cannot recall?

I am now starting to wonder if perhaps I don’t have any long lost siblings that I don’t know about? Mom…Dad….Hello?

At the end, the IST said:

‘well, is that everyone?’

Long pause from me.

‘Yeah, I think so?’

I’ll get back to you on that at our visit next week.

I need to make a few calls.

I’m afraid I’m going to end up needing the acupuncturist to help me work out the stress caused by the therapist.

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jdemott on August 04, 2009 said...

Great post! Of course, that's coming from me. You know, the one whose dad is on his fourth marriage (to a wife who's on some number higher than that, though a few of hers were to the same husband, just repeated efforts).

My mom was wife #2. She made it through her 65 years with only two husbands. But, even had she lived longer, I doubt she'd have divorced again.

To heat up the story good, we need to go back a generation. My paternal grandmother had three husbands. She lived in California. Does that help explain it? Whilst married to the third, she had the second move in with them, so she could care for him when he got sick. My grandmother got cancer and died before her third husband passed, leaving the two men behind. Fortunately, the kids stepped in and #3 was not the caregiver for #2 in the end.

My dad was one of three children from the same two parents. My grandmother had two more sons with #2. My grandfather remarried and had five more kids with his second wife.

Again, my mom's side is more boring, though there was a divorce, but no repeat marriages or additional children to my knowledge.

I learned after my paternal grandmother died that she had a sister that no one ever spoke of, in addition to two we knew about. It seems that the oldest sister (who was revealed by a grandaunt to my aunt after my grandmother died) disappeared. When my great-grandfather died, a neighbor offered to help my great-grandmother care for her four daughters by letting the oldest live with them. Then, they moved away suddenly in the night, with my grandmother's sister, and no one ever heard from her again! That's like a novel! No? I never knew any of my grandmother's sisters, yet I was disturbed by this story for days.

Did I mention that I have about 20 first cousins: Lisa, Candice, Brandy, Shelbie, Katie, Lauren, Thomas, Shane, Carly, Evan, Serena, Erica, David, Victor, Jennifer (deceased), Sandy, Scott, and a few whose names escape me at the moment.

I've only got one brother, same as you. But, you wanna talk step-siblings past and present? Nah, this comment is getting too long already.

So, chillax. Your little ol' Charlie Brown Christmas Tree is nothing compared to my family tree. Tell your ist to put that in her pipe and smoke it.

Shannon on August 04, 2009 said...

That is freaking hysterical. I completely forgot that your family tree is that over cooked. I wish you would have been with me. I would of come out smelling like roses after that. You think he's bad? Mines only 2 or 3 pages....you'll be fine. I swear I thought we were going to need a second session just to get past the family tree.

jdemott on August 04, 2009 said...

It is funny, in a sad but true sort of way. You know... I think I have more fun commenting on your blog than writing my own. The humor is over here on Show Me The Mom. Wonder what you'll post tomorrow. I gotta get inspired and heat up the dog blog.

Shannon on August 04, 2009 said...

I'm glad you think that's funny. I probably just got myself written out of the wills!

jdemott on August 04, 2009 said...

Yeah, well, that sort of explains why my blog is generally more stoic. Where is the line on humor when it comes to writing a diary-style blog? People that you know and love read this stuff? Sarcasm, intimate details, pain and embarassment make for good stories. But, it's not worth it at the expense of hurt feelings or a damaged professional reputation. So, I have not ventured into several topic areas that might otherwise have seemed appealing. Still, your post was not offensive. No wills are likely to be re-written. Keep it real and keep it funny. You'll be the next Dooce and I'll be hoping to get invited on vacation somewhere good when you're uber rich.

Shannon on August 05, 2009 said...

I dont think I'mm be the next Dooce lol. In case you didnn't notice, it's just me and you talking to each other over here. And we do that every day blog or no blog. I need about, um a million more visitors or so?

Vicki on August 05, 2009 said...

Hey! this is Vicki from mbc! Just wanted to let you know I love the honesty of the blog, and I am a follower now!

Sooz on August 05, 2009 said...

Hey - Don't forget about meeting your four-years-older Aunt at your Grandfather's funeral! LOL - maybe we should get your ist and my ist together!

Shannon on August 05, 2009 said...

Vicki-Thanks for the note! I'm glad you like the honesty! Let's hope my family doesn't disown me for that! :)

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