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June 20, 2009


Warning, this post is not for the faint of heart, grandparents, or parents who have small children and have not yet entered the world of teenagers.

Actually, if you have small children, you might want to read this to get an idea of the speeding train that is headed straight down the tracks, straight towards you.

Today at the swim meet (yes, I keep coming back to that and no, I never found the parent of the blue Igloo), I had my Blackberry with me.

What working mom worth her salt doesn't have a Blackberry in hand during a Saturday swim meet?

An email arrived from Itunes with an invoice.

I keep Itunes password protected against purchases but the password inevitably gets out because the kids want to buy a song and I end up being too busy (read: tired) at that moment to get up and type it in for them.

One way or the other, the password gets out, and I have to change it again. Funny thing is, they've gotten really good at guessing my passwords so now I've had to get really creative at creating passwords that they won't guess but I can still remember, which is not easy.

Back to the Itunes receipt-on that receipt was a song Chase had asked to purchase.

No big deal.

But, right below that song were two free 'Apps' listed that someone had downloaded without my knowledge.

App #1: Sexy Babes, v1.0

App #2: Hot Bikini Babes at Baberoo Babes Lite

Hmmm....last time I checked my own Ipod I was not looking at Bikini Baberoo Babes. Neither version 1.0 or 2.0.

I don't think my husband was looking at them...although he might now that he knows they're free on Itunes. We'll talk.

I immediately start scanning the sea of heads at the swim meet for my angels.

Tyler appeared first. I knew it wasn't Tyler. Tyler is smart enough to either not download this type of App, or smart enough to cover his tracks. Tyler could have the entire Playboy Mansion on his Ipod but he would be smart enough to make sure I wouldn't find out.

I told Tyler to find a sibling, any sibling, and bring him to me. We looked at each other and both knew which sibling was coming first.

Jordan appears seconds later. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: "Jordan, I just received a very strange Itunes invoice, I'm hoping you can explain something to me."

(red face, raised eye brows. panic. On him, not me.)

I hand him the Blackberry to see the email.

Me: "Care to explain that, does any of that look familiar? "

Jordan: "Okay...(long pause...at which point Tyler looks at me like, yep, we knew it, and walks away to avoid the scene I am sure he thinks is about to ensue)...it was me."

Just like that, he confesses.

No torture, no threats, no heat lamp in a dark room, he confesses just like that.

Me: "Why would you download this? (At this point, I'm really calm actually. I've got three boys, nothing shocks me anymore. That's all about to change.)"

Jordan: "Well, I didn't do it. Charlie did it."

That's when the blood started to flow.

Me: "Jordan, Charlie doesn't know the password to our Itunes account, so do not blame this on Charlie."

At this point, the conversation goes downhill quickly into Jordan trying to 'explain' to me how when Charlie spent the night at our house, he 'made' Jordan type in that password and download those Apps.

I have patience for a lot of things.

Not accepting responsibility for what you do is not one of them. It makes me crazy. He had been doing so good to confess but totally lost it when he blamed it on a friend. Nope. Not in my house.

We don't own weapons. Last time I checked, 13 year old Charlie didn't bring a gun over and force Jordan to download those apps on to his Ipod (which by the way, I am certain were still on there at that very moment.)

Me: "I am taking up your Ipod when we get home."

That gets his attention. Electronics are a prized possession of any 11 year old. He was horrified.

Jordan, who is now incredulous that I am taking up the Ipod and speaking loudly, acting totally insulted, says: (And I swear, I am not making this up)

"Why are you taking up my Ipod when Chase's Ipod has an App with Donald Duck having an orgasm?"


Somehow I missed that invoice.

So yes, my 11 year old son has just announced in the presence of a sea of parents, who I am praying were not listening to this due to the heat, that my other son has an Ipod application that involves Donald Duck and orgasms.

I'm not speechless often, like I said, I've heard it alot with three boys.

At that moment it's fair to say I was tongue tied.

I said a quick prayer to the parental Gods that no other parent heard that conversation, and in a low, so sweet of a mom voice, in case anyone was listening, I said: "I believe they've called your next event, good luck!"

Ipods collected.

But I'm still speechless.


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