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July 20, 2009

Boys, Birds, Bees and Faith

As if my life is not dramatic enough right now.

Somewhere in my own personal book of life, God apparently decided to write:

2009. Shannon: MAJOR EXAM ON FAITH

I think I am passing the test, I hope so, but some days I am not so sure I'll make it.

These last few months have felt like a never ending SAT exam, I cannot leave the room, I forgot my pencil, and the examiner just keeps looking at me like,'too bad, you've just gotta wait till the time is up.'

Latest drama:

I had a long conversation this weekend with a very good friend who has a son about the same age as my oldest son (16-ish.)

Her son apparently came to her and told her that, well, the deed is done. Do the math.

(If it sounds like I am being vague, I am, to protect the privacy of the people involved.)

I am not sure what stunned me more. The fact that it had happened, and has been happening now and that they are dealing with it the best way they know how (lots of talking....I think the word condom is now as common a household word for them as orange juice.)

Or the fact that my own child is so close in age, and certainly faced with the same pressures.

I went back and forth from, 'OMG what did you say, how are you handling this, OMG, OMG, OMG' and just feeling stunned to the point of being speechless...to thinking 'OMG this child is basically the same age as Tyler, how quickly can I get home and pad lock him in his bed room.'

It took my breath away. The conversation. The reality. The thought of it all. For them. For him. For us.

I still cannot really put it all together in my head, and I'm still struggling emotionally for their family and for ours.

This was not a wake up call for me. No red flag here. Not even a big red truck.

This is more like a big red semi being pulled by an Amtrak train being pulled by a 747 plowing straight at us.

I am incredibly grateful that her son trusted her enough to tell her what was happening and that she told me and even though we have always had an open dialogue with the kids on sex and body parts, HA HA HA, they ain't seen nothing yet! Testicles, hemmorhoids and hernias will be nothing compared to where we are about to head with this discussion.

We're about to get down and dirty (no pun intended...okay maybe a little pun) with all three of them on this topic. Apparently, my time is up...it's probably been up for awhile though, all things considered and I guess that is the part that makes me sad.

How did we get here so soon, to this place of limbo where children are making adult decisions that could change their entire lives?

Where do you draw the line between educating, accepting, condoning versus household imprisonment until they are 30.

Sure, I know those Jonas brothers all wear those purity rings and I know they mean well.

But so did Britney Spears and look where that landed her.

And I'm past the whole, 'well, look at what we did when we were kids' notion.

That rationalization works fine when you are talking to your high school buddies or your college friends.

Go right ahead and try that when it's your first born child and get back to me with how well that works for ya.

If I sound confused, bewildered, unsure of the whole situation, I am.

Yes, this is a major test of faith for me. Faith that there is a plan for each of my children's lives and that it doesn't involve an STD, choosing condom colors for a teenager or having me choose what kind of grandma name I want to be called at the age of 40. 41....or anything 40ish at all for that matter.

And if I am forced to choose condom colors with them, can we at least wait until they are in their 20's? I should be much better with this by then.

And I thought the first day of them driving was stressful.

(QOTB: Have you had this conversation with your kids if they are old enough? Thoughts?)
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Lis Garrett on July 21, 2009 said...

Oh, this just makes my palms sweat. Literally.

My oldest (nearly 10) has been out of the country. And considering she's a HUGE slob and we were welcoming a guest who would be staying in her room, I spent an entire two days cleaning it.

Well, I happened upon some rather, um, descriptive illustrations she had made of a girl and a guy doing you-know-what. I showed my husband, and the two of us were completely shocked.

I've always prided myself on being open with my kids, but it's STILL shocking to know that THEY know about sex.

Good luck! (to all of us parents)

Superwoman Quest on July 21, 2009 said...

I have a teenage DAUGHTER who is 16 and I have had conversations with her on this subject. It is so hard for me to believe but she has many friends who have already done the deed. She knows 16 year olds who already have babies.
You are right it is difficult to talk to them about it with out telling them it is ok, but you do want to know so that you can try and guide them and teach them to protect themselves if they insist on "doing it".
I tell my daughter that I don't approve or condone her having sex right now and the reasons why. And then I give her the big "But." If she feels she is ready and is even THINKING about having sex with someone to PLEASE tell me so that we can make sure she is properly protected.
I don't know what I'll say when the day comes that she does tell me she is ready. For now, I have Faith that I am raising her right. That she knows the consequences. And I am happy that, right now, she says she is not ready. (Thank you Jesus!)

Finn said...

I wouldn't be to worried about tyler. He's a good kid.

Shannon on July 21, 2009 said...

Finn-you are so sweet, we are gonna miss you. At least this time you weren't afraid it was Michael. :)

finn said...

Haha well everytime I read iphone in your blog I know michael needs a smacking.

Shannon on July 21, 2009 said...

Finn! You're killing me! There might be other kids over here with Iphones! I have no idea what you are talking about. But yeah, you might wanna check out that Iphone. ;)

Stefanie on July 22, 2009 said...

My oldest is 14 and we have been discussing it for a couple of years now. It is uncomfortable and horrible to have to do (can't we pay someone for this crap?) but it's a MUST. With 50% of teens having sex, you want to make sure if they happen to fall into that group, they are protecting themselves physically and emotionally.

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