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July 23, 2009

24 Hours

A snapshot of 3 scenarios in our little piece of heaven in the last 24 hours.

Yesterday evening, I made all 6 boys, including my own, check out of our hotel and re-locate elsewhere. Let another mom feed them for a day or so.

About 2 hours later, Jordan and his friend Daniel, magically re-appear, well before their intended return date.

And I can hear Jordan crying. Loudly.

You've gotta see Jordan to appreciate his sort of 'Grown Man/Baby Hueyness.' He looks much older than he is, but inside he's really just an 11 year old who wears his feelings on his sleeve sometimes. He was boo-hooing loudly, which basically means, 'mom, come see what is wrong.' I call him in my room where I was working and sure enough, he is just sobbing away.

What happened?

Charlie hit me, like right here, right on my cheek, with his fist.

(insert much more drama and tears. He's great at that.)

Jordan, why did Charlie hit you?

I don't know, he just did? (I know right away there is a bug chunk of the story missing here. Charlie would not just up and hit Jordan. Insert more sobbing, I mean he could win an Oscar.)

He just hit you out of the blue?

Well. I might have called him a PANSY first.

SCREEEEECH. (I'm using slamming brakes this time.)

Ahhh...the missing piece of the puzzle...I had to force myself not to laugh.

You called him a pansy?

Well, sort of.

I gotta give Charlie credit. Jordan is bigger than he is. I don't think Jordan'll be calling anyone a pansy anytime soon.

I explained to Jordan that if you are going to call another boy, and some girls, a pansy, you basically have 3 choices: duck, run, or be prepared to hit back.

Flash forward 12 hours to this morning.

Tyler has a friend staying over.

Well, sort of. I kind of forgot he was here.

It's 7:30 am, I am getting ready for work, no kids downstairs sleeping for a change since I made them all leave.

I walk out of my bedroom (half dressed of course but, thankfully, covered enough), around the corner to go to the kitchen to get my beloved coffee pot, and I walk straight into the face of a 6 foot tall woman with tons of red hair, her face totally smushed up against my front door peering into my house through the smoky glass on my front door, eyes blinking right back at me.

Just imagine. Shannon. Pajamas. No coffee. Very tall woman whose face I cannot see, but I can see a lot of red hair, staring right back at me. No more need for coffee, I was wide awake, ready to lunge for the Brinks alarm panel.

I totally forgot her son was even staying with us. And I forgot our doorbell is broken. I need to pay one of the kids to act as some sort of front desk keeper or something.

I have no idea long she had been there.

I opened the door, she walks in and goes right upstairs to collect her very asleep teenager while I try to take deep breaths and slow down my heart rate.

Yep, I was able to bypass right over that coffee today. I don't think I even needed Visine.


Get home from work

Tyler comes in my bedroom, Chase follows behind him, hands over mouth, laughing.

That is not a good sign.

Tyler starts off with "Uhhhhh"

I'm thinking, okay, if Chase is laughing, whatever is about to follow the UH cannot be that bad.

I'm just looking.....yes????

Can I get a turtle?

A turtle? What? Like we don't have enough chaos around and you want a TURTLE and you're 16 with a drivers license and a job? Are you THAT bored?

Well, I wanted a pet...

No, sorry no turtles, they are boring, they die quickly, and they carry salmonella.

Okay well then if I cannot have a turtle, can I have a snake?

(Right then, I should have pulled out my Walgreens Home Drug Test and demanded a sample.)

I promise I'll take care of it!
(Those magic words they think will work this late in the parenting game? Really?)

(This statement brought on hysterical laughter from me.)

What, are you like suddenly 8 years old again?

Dogs...cats....hedgehogs (yes, we've had one of those) I can take care of, after they are no longer cool and fun to have.

I ain't taking care of no snake.

I said: 'pet the dog if you are lonely, tell Jordan what happens if you call someone a pansy, and put the word out that strangers at the front door at 7:30 am could result in the police arriving.

Oh, by the way, has anyone eaten any Cocoa Puffs today?'

(QOTB: 1.) Would you let your kid have a snake for a pet? (Some of you I already know the answer to this...) 2.)What do you tell your kids when their mouth gets bigger than their defense? I don't promote violence. But I also think if you're gonna smart off at this age...be prepared?)
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brian on July 23, 2009 said...

cocoa puffs... did someone say cocoa puffs? i'm CRAZY for cocoa puffs!!!

Bradi Nathan on July 24, 2009 said...

A day in the life...

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