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August 8, 2009

John Hughes and Facial Cream

Given the impact filmmaker John Hughes’s movies had on my high school years, I thought it was touching that I had my own John Hughes movie moment yesterday.

Last night I was very tired-even more tired than my normal Friday night delirium.

At 10 pm, the kids requested tacos, and for some reason I obliged, which is odd-I’m not usually making tacos at 10 pm.

Whatever, I agreed, put the meat on, and went to get ready for bed.

I started cleaning my face and lathering on the anti-wrinkle potions, half awake.

As I removed my make up, and my face was fully covered with facial cream, I realized something didn’t smell right.

My face cleanser is holistic and smells like chamomile and herby stuff.

This stuff on my face smelled good, but not right.

I looked down to see what I had just smeared all over my face, praying it was not Ben Gay or Preparation-H.

Instead of holistic make up remover, I had just covered my entire face in Japanese Flower Blossom Body Lotion.

Enter Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.

The only difference between the two of us was that he had on after shave, I had on hand lotion. But, we both screamed.

There are a couple of screams I possess. If you know me, you know instinctively which is which.

I have the high pitched ‘honey, come quick, there is a Texas sized bug’ scream.

I also have the lower pitched combination of scream mixed in with some mommy words, like when I forgot to put the coffee pot on the machine and returned to find my morning caffeine on the kitchen floor.

Last night’s scream was a combination: high pitched mixed with mommy words.

This is not my first offense, I know, hard to believe.

In high school, I was out with friends one night, ran back into the house to use some hair spray and cement my 80’s hairstyle, only to realize that I’d sprayed my entire head with the Glade Air Freshener my grandmother kept by the sink.

Last night, I screamed and Chase, my knightly middle child, came running as if beckoned by 911.

He saw me standing in face cream and, dead serious, kept saying ‘mom, WHAT’S WRONG?’

Finally, I looked at him, covered in lotion, and said, ‘never try to take off make up with body lotion, it doesn’t work.’

He started laughing so hard he almost fell over, and returned to the tween invaders in my living room and said, ‘you’re never gonna believe what my mom just did.’

I hope John Hughes is watching from heaven.

This would have made a great movie moment.


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